Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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