that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
