Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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