it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
