I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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