Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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