I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
