her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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