My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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