just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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