i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
