So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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