This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
