Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
