you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
