he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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