I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
