that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
