hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
