McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
