At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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