why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
