Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We got so high we made milksteak
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
