and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
