Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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