The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
