in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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