What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
