Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
