so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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