I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
