take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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