Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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