All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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