My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
