Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
