I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
