brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
