apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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