Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
