a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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