Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
