wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
splinters make it hard to masturbate
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
