Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
