we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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