the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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