do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
