its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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