i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
