Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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